Tonight I came across an article in Raptitude and it hit me so hard. Reading this had the same effect as watching “Fight Club”. Damn enlightening. We change minute by minute, and so does the so-called “ego”.
Ego is what people perceive us?
To your parents, you are their children.
To your students, you are their teachers.
To your customers, you are their service providers.
With each role you carry a different face. Doing something wrong within a particular role means “losing face”.
The manager of a 5-star hotel suddenly get fired and turn to be the guard, his role is changed. Will his ego change respectively? In the end he is the same person in other circumstances.
A cyclist got hit by a car and lost his legs. Can’t cycle anymore. Now who is he?
If a fat girl loses 15 kilograms and turns to be a hot sexy figure, she is still the same person, same skeleton and mind without a 15 kilo fat attachment. But she will be treated hugely differently, as if she has transformed to someone else.
A freelancer changes job to work in a corporate organizarion. Suddenly it doesn’t feel like the same anymore.
Sb asks “Who are you”, you say “ I am A/B/C in the X/Y/Z association”. What if you don’t work there anymore, does that mean you become someone else or feel differently about yourself?
Most job interviewers are gonna ask “Who do you want to be in the next 5/10 years”. Who? Just me with more of st and less of st else.
If we can’t define ourselves, we look for someone to do that job for us. I reckon most unemployed people feel confused because of this state of “role-absence”. Without the job, we can’t figure out who we are. And is there really such a thing — who we are?
Who are you and does it matter?
If you strip off the roles you carry, who are you? Is that what define you? And since no one cares because “roles” are what interactions are based on, maybe the question is meant for ourselves only. Furthermore, we tend to be drawn into interactions which evoke the “role” we favor most, where we feel best about ourselves. We spend more time with people who appreciate us and define the role stronger. The fact is nobody cares but everyone does. We all share same concerns and at the same time act like they are very personal.
If we have the magic to step out and see ourselves from the eyes of an outsider, how would it feel like? Maybe things that always matter to us would be trivial in an instant.
A beautiful extract from the article
“What we think of ourselves is constantly changing, not just day to day, but moment to moment, and mood to mood. At different times, I have thought of myself as anything from an insufferable loser, to a freaking genius, to a guy who can never quite get his shit together, to a guy who’s never had a serious problem in his life. What I think I am is so fickle and so dependent on moods and circumstances, that it can’t possibly be right — ever!
The ego is always just a big, seething grab-bag of thoughts that could be different at any time. But usually we don’t recognize that. Generally, in the colloquial way we talk about people, as in you and me, we’re referring to our egos — our acquired identities, based on the forms in our life.”
A very sensational & vague utterings of a 25-ish man. He can’t fully expess himself, yet I think a rough translation would still be fun. Partly I agree with him. As a person who adore men that are strong, dominant and sophisicated (aka highly powerful and vulnerable at the same time), I can relate to what he says.
After all, a stupid man is considered stupid, but a stupid woman can still be considered cute (and obedient).
The part about ego, however, has nothing to go with gender. And what the heck about human beings and flowers here?
Confession of a modern man
“It is not easy at all, to be born as a man in this age…
They are pushed much more expectations than women, some of which are social ideas and values which force them not being able to show their authentic self.
Being sad-expected not to cry in front of everyone, fail-gotta feel ashamed, poor-gotta feel vile. Somehow they are expected to show a super high ego in order to be respected. That ego is deeply grained in their head, pulling them far away and make it hard for them to awake.
Women are somehow luckier. They are put on a lower a position that men, being considered as weaker and easy to accept reality. On the surface it seems as a disadvantage, in fact, it may help women reach awakening faster since their ego is low.
Looking at men, I see human beings. Looking at women, I see flowers”