Inferiority vs superiority complex

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I am in this conflict.

On one hand I feel superior.
On the other hand I feel inferior.

My dad used to comment:

“Why on earth do you always look down on people while you have achieved nothing? Are you sick?”

I don’t really know. That feeling sticks. The feeling that nothing matters or nobody matters. That I am better than everyone though the moment I socialize, I know it is not true. Swinging from one extreme to another.

It’s vulnerable.
How can I delete my ego and still find the motivation for personal growth?

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Anyway, thank you so much Quora and the brilliant minds behind the site. For making accessing expert minds that easily ^^

Feels like having a time machine where teleporting is possible, and I can be invisbible, listening to conversations of great minds.

More time given = less work done

 

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Welcome to my world. The world of self-acclaimed, amateur creative content makers. Or, as my cousin put it, the world of “mental masturbatory”.

I was given a writing project. I said “I don’t wanna be pushed“. The project organizers, whom are most of the cases my good friends, are generous with time and believe that I can nurture ideas and creativity in the meantime. (Congrats, you are dealing with an arrogant amateur)

Yet when I was given autonomy, I let myself loose with all the time & do nothing. The fact is, I think about the projects nearly all-the-time, and yet, do nothing to go ahead.

Procrastination is complicated and deep-rooted.

For example, I am supposed to list a volunteer center in a website. The process should cost merely 15 minutes. No special effect needed, yet I spend half an hour polishing a cover photo. Ooops. When the photo is finished, momentum & motivation is gone. Most of the time what we need is very simple, or as Jason Fried, founder of Basecamp puts it  “We need a judo solution”. I need to write a few words, post a few photos. Done. In 15 minutes. ANYTHING else is extra.

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Another time, I was given a task to modify a video with no push. 2 weeks past, no result. Now with a little push & shame, I finish it in a few hours with ease. What a procrastination monster !

Except for corporate jobs, most of the time deadlines are created for no clear reason. And still, a no-reason-deadline is better than an ambiguous duration.

But a certain deadline is better for productivity for sure. I think most of tasks can be finished with much less time given to us, if focus is there. The philosohy behind it is explained clearly in website Timemanagement Ninja

 

Simplicity is elegance

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Simplicity is the highest form of sophistication. Apps like Evernote, Medium and Canvas give users such an easy feeling in a smooth interface, the result of beautifully streamlined complexity.

Similarly, a productive individual would appear as calm, not someone fretting all around. That’s why calm people impress me because they “seem” to have things settled. Like a tip of an iceberg, under that carefree face is a storm of ideas & thoughts flowing.

That’s why I am drawn by bad boys or simple boys with cold face, ha ha. They just don’t care which makes me think “Wow this person must be interesting. There must be something about him”. Well, may not so :))))

 

Pain & peace

Probably the worst phase of my life. But strangely I feel at peace more than ever. Facing uncomfortable feelings (because it’s rock bottom already) instead of escaping in available pleasures, to me, is peace.
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Delaying gratification is peace.

Communicating frankly is peace.

Seeing things and people as they are, not what I like them to be is peace.

I don’t want to be an escapist anymore. I am ready for pain. It’s coming and totally fine.

I don’t forget to count my blessings though :). I have so many things to be grateful for, and will remind myself so.

Bliss.

Will English push me to unemployment?

Asia’s got talent where all Asian judges speak perfect English. #.#

Gotta gain some more skills. Just English will push you to unemployment in the years to come. And now my tiny Chinese seem to die too, due to laziness :))

It’s like:

1. Show you can communicate.
2. Okie now everyone can communicate, what do you have? Elk elk.

It’s still a strong tool though. Now, get out and see what you can use it for. After all, languages are for communication.

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Be a child again

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We can learn a lot from children. Spontaneity, authenticity, imagination, curiosity, wonder. The lack of experiences helps them push out limit of supposed-to-be things and go wild with creativity.

Don’t lose that. Or if we have lost it along the way, learn how to be like that again.

One more thing about playing with children is that they are unpredictable. We as grown-ups (well, at least physically) tend to behave in predictable ways to avoid awkward situations. That’s why playing with children can be difficult & draining, or satisfying if we just go with the flow.

http://www.ted.com/playlists/316/talks_for_your_inner_child?utm_campaign=social&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_content=playlist&utm_term=humanities

Should we control our emotions ?

Today a friend of mine shares some quotes as he usually does (on the way of trying to emulate gurus). The post basically advises people to “control emotions” for a better life. That people who act on emotions are immature and vice versa.

I feel sad to have to control or repress emotions. Humans are born to interact as social animals, and in that process we learn what’s acceptable and what not. Controling a certain emotion may save a certain unwanted outcome, but is also a trade off for mutual understanding.

Emotions will find their way to burst out sooner or later, so why control or repress anyway?

Furthermore,  I don’t think emotion is something we can just force to disappear. We feel someway for some reason. Hiding, controlling, repressing a certain emotion without touching its root will not make it vanish.

For example if I am angry at you or jealous of you, it’s because I feel insecure (inferior). Forcing myself to not feel that way doesn’t work unless I trace back why I feel insecure/intimidated by you in the 1st place.

People tend to do so to protect an image or create distance, either for saving face or for fear of intimacy.

Unless your negative emotions seriously hurt an important relationship, it’s healthy to just release.

Or not? Is it right/healthy to just release?

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Probably it should be changed into “not acting on impulse” rather than “controlling emotions”.

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Independence or rebellion?

Found a FB site of a woman born in 1989. She is bold. Vegetarian. Write poems (somehow artistic). Her avatar is a strong man who seem to say “I don’t care what is going on in the world”.

She says “It is deadly important to me to see through my heart and my mind, to be the master of my own will, mind and heart without being affected by the world.”

About to follow. Then a voice says “Wait….”. It sounds beautiful but, sadly, the world doesn’t work that way. All we have right now from music, computer, books , facebook to clothes are all works of people trading off freedom, of affecting each other, in one way or another. When she says “not being affected”, does she refer to “social norms” or simple what she doesn’t like?

Even opinions. Are you sure that your opinions are purely yours? It all starts from what you read, listen and people you interact. An opinion doesn’t pop up out of nowhere. You are not the mastermind of your opinion, sorry. You have somewhat a more informed opinion is because your brain can make the relation to things you consume.

Of course, a person can proactively ask questions and therefore attract better things to improve her life, but the idea of 100% independent self is very unrealistic.

Well, I don’t know. I find it is much more difficult to live with people than just don’t care to “live in your own terms”. It’s easy to have an illusion of being strong and special, especially with so-called “independent women”. The feeling of strength and weakness swing constantly.

Don’t give a damn and do whatever you want? Wait, I can do it too and have done it for 2 years. Because being rebellious is easy, while being responsible is not. If millions of people are rebellious at the same time, are each of them unique?

Living independently is damn easy, while living interdependently is NOT.

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P/S: I am not attacking you sis. You are beautiful and everything, but somehow not a model I wanna follow. Not anymore.

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Curated content & mainstream list articles

Cafebiz translates from BI.
BI copies and edits from Quora.
Greatist and Lifehack copy each other.

So many articles are curated content. Fresh and original content now is shared for free in social networks and picked to be remixed by media in one way or another.

Media is full of “how to be successful” list articles. The formula is:

1. Use short, defining, upbeat sentences. (Which gives an impression of affirmation or credibility)
2. Pick some good traits of people and get deep on how those traits can improve our lives.
3. Insert some famous names (“See if it works for Tony Robin or Bill Gates, it must be true”). It’s like the way Trung Nguyen use famous name to market their coffee (“Napoleon drinks coffee therefore…”). #.#

Reading those feels good, but that’s it.

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The Curious case of Benjamin Buttons

The curious case of Benjamin Buttons is such a depressing book/ short story.

I am sure that with this idea it could have been better developed.

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So different from the impression the movie gave years ago.

Gotta watch again. If anything, the screenwriter & director are brilliant in their creativity.