Just read a suicidal sharing from Vietpsychology of a girl sharing about her feeling a huge void. She doesnot wanna die but does not wanna live either. She floats in a frozen mental state, hoping to be immersed in an endless sleep. Her work goes well and her boyfriend is caring & devoted. All of that can’t stop a big black hole circulating her thoughts.
Even though I can relate to the feeling of being hollow, I feel grateful to never fall into depression (yet). That I still can enjoy such simple happy moments like this: cool evening after a hot day, being in a cute well-equiped kitchen, cutting crispy salad vegetables and just stare at the brightness of different food patterns prepared by an excellent chef right in the street corner. Sweet solitude.
I used to be scolded by someone I care about that I don’t have ambition. Really I don’t care where I am. Not even desire to travel the world anymore. Not wanting to be a leader of whatever movement. Not excited about networking or enlarge social circle. My lack of commitment or loyalty comes from the fact that I can find joy wherever, and the sense of attachment nearly does not exist. If something big happens kicking me out of where I am, fine.
And beware, the mental black hole can rip those moments out of us.