Wassup my imaginary friend?

How are you?”

He asked. In a moment, I shiver. Of course it’s not a simple “How-are-you“. It will be a certain task to be done, or a query for a listener. And I am ready for neither of which.

“…..”

“what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I am tired”

“Oh, ok. sorry. Take a rest and let me know if you need anything”

“Okay. Talk later”

I answered abruptly, trying to remember the last time I have a proper two-sided conversation. I am trying to remember why I bring myself to this dead-end when I have no one to trust and share deepest feelings with. My friendships are built based on this “engage-and-retreat” strategy when I dig extensively for a while and stop when I feel sated. Needless to say, it’s not sustainable. After a while, humans are the same: a mixed bag of messy emotions. Not always a site to marvel at. Well, okay, sometimes :). Sometimes they are cool but not right now. At this particular moment, everyone is BORING ! BORING !! EXTREMELY BORING THAT THEY SHOULD FREEZE !! FREEZE !!

Yet this feeling churns inside me and in a moment I have this fierce combination of a headache and stomachache. I have to vomit my mental trash somewhere. Yurkkk !!!

How to vomit that mental trash? It must be very gross. yes,

gross, gross, groooossssssss

fear

Haiz. Not quite ….. Not gross enough….

 

 

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