The frame

14597295_1065065116946468_3141465433937281024_n1Saymon took me to his farmstay in Luang Prabang . We sit on a chair sipping water while his carpenter was singing loudly and terribly after a Thai song (Thai and Laos languages are similar).

What kind of music do you like?”, I ask.

Ah, Laos people often listen to…”

I smiled. This is a tour guide being considerate, thinking I am just exploring Laos culture.

No, I mean, what kind of music do YOU personally like?”

Ah, I like countryside music. I like to stay in a farm when I don’t work. See that mountain top over there? There is trekking route leading to the top, and this area has no traffic noise“.

This reminds me of Mai Châu of Northwest Vietnam or even my home in the central. The window opens up a landscape that looks like a painting, absolutely lovely in a poetic way. Everything is so far yet so close, so strange yet so familiar.

“Do you want to come to a waterfall today?
Waterfall? I have been to another waterfall the other day.

This one is different.

But…

It is okay, I am free today anyway”

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Kuang Xi waterfall

When we reached Kuang Xi, standing at the foot of that roaming current of water, a grandiosely refreshing feeling overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes, absorbing millions pieces of water dust soaking my face and shirt, totally let it dominate.

At that moment of being 100% loose, I smiled when I remembered a short conversation we had at lunch with a random person when he commented

You are lucky to be with him and experience local things in a different way

To which I did not answer. I feel the same level of luck at that moment as if I were riding in Saigon rain or when I am typing words in the cafe of the low end hostel I stay. But one thing I know for sure is that I want to talk with that random person again.

“I used to be a tour guide too”, he said.

“What made you stop?”

“Because it limits my creativity”

“What are you doing at the moment?”

“I am a chef”

I stopped eating right at the same time he was about to leave.

“You are leaving now?”, I ask.

“Yes”

“Do you come back here?”

“No, I stay in Luang Prabang town”.

“I want to talk with you more. I think you are interesting. Where do you live in Luang Prabang?”

“Blue Lagoon”

“I will come there to find you”

“Okay”

So I gotta write the last words of this weird post to come to that Blue Lagoon and talk to the chef and finish our abruptly cut conversation, while thinking this must be one of the most incoherent thing I have ever written. A post that makes no sense because the writer never has the intention to.

Blue Lagoon. I will parkour over there in imagination ha ha.

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Lust

That feeling surged again. In Kuang Xi- a waterfall full of people in Laos, I soak myself in cold running water and after around 20 minutes, I stared at him.

Him here is a random person standing around 10 meters away from me. Muscular, tanned, tall and tattooed, with a small beard and looking at me almost at the same time. My heart started to beat fast.

Almost immediately my head is vividly filled with the image of that stranger pulling me closer and us making out under water, behind and in front of arrays of wild trees in the area while resisting the strong water current flowing towards. In public and passionately.

We will breath hard, tongues twisted, excited by the overwhelming chemistry and an immense guilty inappropriate feeling when all other swimmers stopped to point and gossip at the wild scene in front of them just to be turned on at the same time. In seconds, every freaking one of them will be itchy and about to turn into vampire.

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The thing is…it did not happen, yet the visualization was so vivid that the aura around us changed forever. Right there, at that waterfall, I can smell and touch that strong sensation.

I am losing grip babe. I am losing my poise.

In mainstream psychology, lust is defined as such

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Aside from the surface pleasure that lust triggers, I deeply believe there is correlation between lust and vulnerability. I have never felt such an immense level of vulnerability in my life recently, and the desire for attention/ connection increases with the same rate.

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After writing for 30 minutes, the receptionist came behind my back and when I turned around, I can felt that look again. I better not disturb her, I think and sigh.

” What are you writing?

-I am writing about yesterday. I went to a waterfall and wanted to kiss every freaking person there.

-Ha ha, really?

-Yeah, maybe it is hormone, haiz.

-It happens to me too, ha ha.

-What? Really?

-Yeah, sometimes when customers come in, it took me some minutes to be calm and professional =))

– So you can control it. I can’t. Damn.

Where will this lead and for how long? Is it purely biological or psychological? Let’s see. Maybe you can let me know.

When Avril loses her grip, she can fall over her fans and the audience will take her with all they have. When I lose my grip, hmm, when I lose my grip, maybe I will come and find you and kiss you, right there.

Y.O.U (Why. Opressing.Us)